Bad Romance Writing

A fuckload of classic literature:

1. 1984 by George Orwell
2. A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
3. A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man by James Joyce
4. A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
5. Aesop’s Fables by Aesop
6. Agnes Grey by Anne Brontë
7. Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Caroll
8. Andersen’s Fairy Tales by Hans Christian Andersen
9. Anne of Green Gables by Lucy Maud Montgomery
10. Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
11. Around the World in 80 Days by Jules Verne
12. Beyond Good and Evil by Friedrich Nietzsche
13. Bleak House by Charles Dickens
14. Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky
15. David Copperfield by Charles Dickens
16. Down and Out in Paris and London by George Orwell
17. Dracula by Bram Stoker
18. Dubliners by James Joyce
19. Emma by Jane Austen
20. Erewhon by Samuel Butler
21. For the Term of His Natural Life by Marcus Clarke
22. Frankenstein by Mary Shelley
23. Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
24. Grimms Fairy Tales by the brothers Grimm
25. Gulliver’s Travels by Jonathan Swift
26. Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad
27. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
28. Kidnapped by Robert Louis Stevenson
29. Lady Chatterly’s Lover by D. H. Lawrence
30. Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
31. Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
32. Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert
33. Middlemarch by George Eliot
34. Moby Dick by Herman Melville
35. Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen
36. Nostromo: A Tale of the Seaboard by Joseph Conrad
37. Notes from the Underground by Fyodor Dostoevsky
38. Of Human Bondage by W. Somerset Maugham
39. Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens
40. Paradise Lost by John Milton
41. Persuasion by Jane Austen
42. Pollyanna by Eleanor H. Porter
43. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
44. Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe
45. Sense and Sensibility, by Jane Austen
46. Sons and Lovers by D. H. Lawrence
47. Swanns Way by Marcel Proust
48. Tarzan of the Apes by Edgar Rice Burroughs
49. Tender is the Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald
50. Tess of the d’Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy
51. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
52. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
53. The Brothers Karamazov, by Fyodor Dostoevsky
54. The Great Gatsby
55. The Hound of the Baskervilles by Arthur Conan Doyle
56. The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoevsky
57. The Iliad by Homer
58. The Island of Doctor Moreau by H. G. Wells
59. The Jungle Book by Rudyard Kipling
60. The Last of the Mohicans by James Fenimore Cooper
61. The Legend of Sleepy Hollow by Washington Irving
62. The Odyssey by Homer
63. The Merry Adventures of Robin Hood by Howard Pyle
64. The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka
65. The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
66. The Portrait of a Lady by Henry James
67. The Prince by Nicolo Machiavelli
68. The Scarlet Pimpernel by Baroness Orczy
69. The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson
70. The Tales of Mother Goose by Charles Perrault
71. The Thirty Nine Steps by John Buchan
72. The Three Musketeers by Alexandre Duma
73. The Time Machine by H. G. Wells
74. The Trial by Franz Kafka
75. The War of the Worlds by H. G. Wells
76. Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson
77. Ulysses by James Joyce
78. Utopia by Sir Thomas More
79. Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray
80. Within A Budding Grove by Marcel Proust
81. Women In Love by D. H. Lawrence
82. Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë

Click on the motherfucking Hypelinks bitches.

Here! Have a fuckload of modern literature, too!

1. A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burgess
2. A Study In Scarlet - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
3. Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter - Seth Grahame-Smith
4. An Abundance of Katherines - John Green
5. Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer
6. Bossypants - Tina Fey
7. Breakfast At Tiffany’s - Truman Capote
8. Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
9. Catcher In The Rye - J.D. Salinger
10. Charlie And The Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
11. City of Bones - Cassandra Clare
12. Clockwork Angel - Cassandra Clare
13. Damned - Chuck Palahniuk
14. Darkly Dreaming Dexter - Jeff Lindsay
15. Dead Until Dark - Charlaine Harris
16. Ender’s Game - Orson Scott Card
17. Everything Is Illuminated - Jonathan Safran Foer
18. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close - Jonathan Safran Foer
19. Fahrenheit 451 - Ray Bradbury
20. Fight Club - Chuck Palahniuk
21. Go The Fuck To Sleep - Adam Mansbach
22. I Am America (And So Can You!) - Stephen Colbert
23. I Am Number Four - Pittacus Lore
24. Inkheart - Cornelia Funke
25. It - Stephen King
26. Life of Pi - Yann Martel
27. Lolita - Vladmir Nabokov
28. Marked - Kristin Cast
29. Memoirs Of A Geisha - Arthur Golden
30. My Sister’s Keeper - Jodi Picoult
31. Never Let Me Go - Kazuo Ishiguro
32. One Day - David Nicholls
33. Paper Towns - John Green
34. Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightening Thief - Rick Riordan
35. Pretty Little Liars - Sara Shepard
36. Slaughterhouse Five - Kurt Vonnegut
37. Snow White And The Huntsman - Lily Blake
38. The Book Thief - Markus Zusak
39. The Bourne Identity - Robert Ludlum
40. The Giver - Lois Lowry
41. The Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins
42. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
43. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
44. The Notebook - Nicholas Sparks
45. The Outsiders - S.E. Hinton
46. The Perks of Being A Wallflower - Stephen Chbosky
47. The Princess Diaries - Meg Cabot
48. The Things They Carried - Tim O’Brien
49. The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
50. The Ultimate Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy - Douglas Adams
51. Tuesdays With Morrie - Mitch Albom
52. Uglies - Scott Westerfeld
53. Vampire Diaries: The Awakening - L.J. Smith
54. Water For Elephants - Sara Gruen
55. Wicked - Gregory Maguire

Those “free” fucking books are offered on a pirating website. Don’t be a dick. If it’s a classic and free b/c its copyright expired, what the fuck ever. If it’s modern, it ain’t fucking free. Go to your fucking library.

(Source: nachosauruz)

From The Guardian:

The Quiddity of Wilf Self, by Sam Mills Down, down, on to the eschatological bed. Pages chafed me; my blood wept onto them. My cheek nestled against the scratch of paper. My cock was barely a ghost, but I did not suffer panic.

Noughties, by Ben Masters We got up from the chair and she led me to her elfin grot, getting amonst the pillows and cool sheets. We trawled each other’s bodies for every inch of history.

Back to Blood, by Tom Wolfe Now his big generative jockey was inside her pelvic saddle, riding, riding, riding, and she was eagerly swallowing it swallowing it swallowing it with the saddle’s own lips and maw — all this without a word.

Rare Earth by Paul Mason He began thrusting wildly in the general direction of her chrysanthemum, but missing — his paunchy frame shuddering with the efford of remaining rigid and upside down.

The Yips by Nicola Barker She smells of almonds, like a plump Bakewell pudding; and he is the spoon, the whipped cream, the helpless dollop of warm custard.

Infrared by Nancy Huston This is when I take my picture, from deep inside the loving. The Canon is part of my body. I myself am the ultrasensitive film — capturing invisible reality, capturing heat.

The Divine Comedy by Craig Raine And he came. Like a wubbering springboard. His ejaculate jumped the length of her arm. Eight diminishing gouts. The first too high for her to lick. Right on the shoulder.

The Adventuress: The Irresistible Rise of Miss Cath Fox by Nicholas Coleridge In seconds the duke had lowered his trousers and boxers and positioned himself across a leather steamer trunk, emblazoned with the royal arms of Hohenzollern Castle. ‘Give me no quarter,’ he commanded. ‘Lay it on with all your might.’