Bad Romance Writing

mundosdepapel: meret118: List of British words not widely used in the United States.Lists of words...

Thu, 02 May 2013 21:59:08 -0700

meret118:

List of British words not widely used in the United States.

Lists of words having different meanings in American and British English.

List of American words not widely used in the United Kingdom.

OH MY FUCKING GOD. THANK YOU

rhiannon42: #i don’t know what’s going on here but I don’t...

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 17:04:05 -0700

rhiannon42:

#i don’t know what’s going on here but I don’t care

snaildoki: It keeps happening This is why I started just...

Wed, 13 Mar 2013 13:16:28 -0700

snaildoki:

It keeps happening

This is why I started just getting my ass out of bed and going to write it down. It’s gotten to the point where my S.O. knows why I’m suddenly not next to him.

yoursleepnumberinmybed: “I hung out a lot of places last night. Your upper body, your lower body…....

Thu, 07 Mar 2013 15:45:32 -0800

yoursleepnumberinmybed:

“I hung out a lot of places last night. Your upper body, your lower body…. and most every part in between…”

“[you] sure don’t lack a sense of direction”

“And you don’t lack places to get lost”

Garrus, you know *all* the right things to say.

Don't pirate!

Wed, 26 Dec 2012 13:51:08 -0800

Don't pirate!:

A fuckload of classic literature:

1984 by George Orwell

A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens

A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man by James Joyce

A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens

Aesop’s Fables by Aesop

Agnes Grey by Anne Brontë

Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Caroll

Andersen’s Fairy Tales by Hans Christian Andersen

Anne of Green Gables by Lucy Maud Montgomery

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy

Around the World in 80 Days by Jules Verne

Beyond Good and Evil by Friedrich Nietzsche

Bleak House by Charles Dickens

Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky

David Copperfield by Charles Dickens

Down and Out in Paris and London by George Orwell

Dracula by Bram Stoker

Dubliners by James Joyce

Emma by Jane Austen

Erewhon by Samuel Butler

For the Term of His Natural Life by Marcus Clarke

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

Great Expectations by Charles Dickens

Grimms Fairy Tales by the brothers Grimm

Gulliver’s Travels by Jonathan Swift

Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

Kidnapped by Robert Louis Stevenson

Lady Chatterly’s Lover by D. H. Lawrence

Les Miserables by Victor Hugo

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert

Middlemarch by George Eliot

Moby Dick by Herman Melville

Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen

Nostromo: A Tale of the Seaboard by Joseph Conrad

Notes from the Underground by Fyodor Dostoevsky

Of Human Bondage by W. Somerset Maugham

Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens

Paradise Lost by John Milton

Persuasion by Jane Austen

Pollyanna by Eleanor H. Porter

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe

Sense and Sensibility, by Jane Austen

Sons and Lovers by D. H. Lawrence

Swanns Way by Marcel Proust

Tarzan of the Apes by Edgar Rice Burroughs

Tender is the Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald

Tess of the d’Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain

The Brothers Karamazov, by Fyodor Dostoevsky

The Great Gatsby

The Hound of the Baskervilles by Arthur Conan Doyle

The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoevsky

The Iliad by Homer

The Island of Doctor Moreau by H. G. Wells

The Jungle Book by Rudyard Kipling

The Last of the Mohicans by James Fenimore Cooper

The Legend of Sleepy Hollow by Washington Irving

The Odyssey by Homer

The Merry Adventures of Robin Hood by Howard Pyle

The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

The Portrait of a Lady by Henry James

The Prince by Nicolo Machiavelli

The Scarlet Pimpernel by Baroness Orczy

The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson

The Tales of Mother Goose by Charles Perrault

The Thirty Nine Steps by John Buchan

The Three Musketeers by Alexandre Duma

The Time Machine by H. G. Wells

The Trial by Franz Kafka

The War of the Worlds by H. G. Wells

Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson

Ulysses by James Joyce

Utopia by Sir Thomas More

Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray

Within A Budding Grove by Marcel Proust

Women In Love by D. H. Lawrence

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë

Click on the motherfucking Hypelinks bitches.

Here! Have a fuckload of modern literature, too!

A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burgess

A Study In Scarlet - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter - Seth Grahame-Smith

An Abundance of Katherines - John Green

Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer

Bossypants - Tina Fey

Breakfast At Tiffany’s - Truman Capote

Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding

Catcher In The Rye - J.D. Salinger

Charlie And The Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl

City of Bones - Cassandra Clare

Clockwork Angel - Cassandra Clare

Damned - Chuck Palahniuk

Darkly Dreaming Dexter - Jeff Lindsay

Dead Until Dark - Charlaine Harris

Ender’s Game - Orson Scott Card

Everything Is Illuminated - Jonathan Safran Foer

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close - Jonathan Safran Foer

Fahrenheit 451 - Ray Bradbury

Fight Club - Chuck Palahniuk

Go The Fuck To Sleep - Adam Mansbach

I Am America (And So Can You!) - Stephen Colbert

I Am Number Four - Pittacus Lore

Inkheart - Cornelia Funke

It - Stephen King

Life of Pi - Yann Martel

Lolita - Vladmir Nabokov

Marked - Kristin Cast

Memoirs Of A Geisha - Arthur Golden

My Sister’s Keeper - Jodi Picoult

Never Let Me Go - Kazuo Ishiguro

One Day - David Nicholls

Paper Towns - John Green

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightening Thief - Rick Riordan

Pretty Little Liars - Sara Shepard

Slaughterhouse Five - Kurt Vonnegut

Snow White And The Huntsman - Lily Blake

The Book Thief - Markus Zusak

The Bourne Identity - Robert Ludlum

The Giver - Lois Lowry

The Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins

The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini

The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold

The Notebook - Nicholas Sparks

The Outsiders - S.E. Hinton

The Perks of Being A Wallflower - Stephen Chbosky

The Princess Diaries - Meg Cabot

The Things They Carried - Tim O’Brien

The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger

The Ultimate Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy - Douglas Adams

Tuesdays With Morrie - Mitch Albom

Uglies - Scott Westerfeld

Vampire Diaries: The Awakening - L.J. Smith

Water For Elephants - Sara Gruen

Wicked - Gregory Maguire

Those “free” fucking books are offered on a pirating website. Don’t be a dick. If it’s a classic and free b/c its copyright expired, what the fuck ever. If it’s modern, it ain’t fucking free. Go to your fucking library.

2012's bad sex awards

Sat, 24 Nov 2012 10:51:15 -0800

2012's bad sex awards:

From The Guardian:

The Quiddity of Wilf Self, by Sam Mills Down, down, on to the eschatological bed. Pages chafed me; my blood wept onto them. My cheek nestled against the scratch of paper. My cock was barely a ghost, but I did not suffer panic.

Noughties, by Ben Masters We got up from the chair and she led me to her elfin grot, getting amonst the pillows and cool sheets. We trawled each other’s bodies for every inch of history.

Back to Blood, by Tom Wolfe Now his big generative jockey was inside her pelvic saddle, riding, riding, riding, and she was eagerly swallowing it swallowing it swallowing it with the saddle’s own lips and maw — all this without a word.

Rare Earth by Paul Mason He began thrusting wildly in the general direction of her chrysanthemum, but missing — his paunchy frame shuddering with the efford of remaining rigid and upside down.

The Yips by Nicola Barker She smells of almonds, like a plump Bakewell pudding; and he is the spoon, the whipped cream, the helpless dollop of warm custard.

Infrared by Nancy Huston This is when I take my picture, from deep inside the loving. The Canon is part of my body. I myself am the ultrasensitive film — capturing invisible reality, capturing heat.

The Divine Comedy by Craig Raine And he came. Like a wubbering springboard. His ejaculate jumped the length of her arm. Eight diminishing gouts. The first too high for her to lick. Right on the shoulder.

The Adventuress: The Irresistible Rise of Miss Cath Fox by Nicholas Coleridge In seconds the duke had lowered his trousers and boxers and positioned himself across a leather steamer trunk, emblazoned with the royal arms of Hohenzollern Castle. ‘Give me no quarter,’ he commanded. ‘Lay it on with all your might.’

sailorswayze: AM I RIGHT LADIES

Sat, 17 Nov 2012 12:04:07 -0800

sailorswayze:

AM I RIGHT LADIES

momochanners: mercy-shepard: This is awesome and amazing and...

Sat, 10 Nov 2012 10:39:45 -0800

momochanners:

mercy-shepard:

This is awesome and amazing and awesome. And amazing. And awesome.

I’ve had the pleasure of climbing obstructing structures ala Altair, Nathan Drake, Lara Croft etc a few months ago in order to get into my house.

IT’S GODDAMN NOT AS EASY LIKE IN VIDYA.

There’s got to be some bad romance (or any romance) equivalent to this.

deliriumgothique: chocolateninjadonut: Thought I would share...

Mon, 05 Nov 2012 12:01:50 -0800

deliriumgothique:

chocolateninjadonut:

Thought I would share this WONDERFULLY done GarrusxFemshep. E.T video done by a Youtuber named FantasysHeart. It is just beautiful :)

the music made me giggle

GarrusXFemShep = GOOD GOD DAMN ROMANCE WRITING

FUCK YEAH DAVID BOWIE

Sun, 04 Nov 2012 06:21:27 -0800

FUCK YEAH DAVID BOWIE

So I heard some of you want to know what I sleep in .

Wed, 10 Oct 2012 11:02:21 -0700

the-timelords-tardis:

oprimer:

hug-sensei:

jaxtheripper13:

Lets just say I go full COMMANDO ~

Hot Right ?

I love the men of Tumblr …

Snuggle up with me, ladies.

I

Always

Use

Protection

gfdchuijohgcfnxdcghvjbkn

Here’s a couple of guys that know what the ladies want.

deepredroom: Lots of people are reblogging that armour gif...

Sat, 22 Sep 2012 11:44:30 -0700

deepredroom:

Lots of people are reblogging that armour gif again saying they’re happy to know the names of the various parts, so here’s a few more diagrams. Naturally, some styles of armour have extra or different parts and there are specially made suits for jousting and such.

A really important thing to note is that not every soldier/warrior of the time had plate armour. Chainmail was much more common. For as cheap and available as it was, it did a great job against most bladed weapons. It was only when swords made for stabbing and advancements in arrows came about that could break through the links that plate armour started to really get going. But it’s expensive and has to be custom made for each warrior, unlike the one-size-fits-all chainmail tunics.

The main thing to keep in mind when designing armour is what purpose you want it to serve. Does your character need maximum mobility? How do they fight? Do they come from a background where they could get their hands on a fitting suit? And if they are wearing a full suit of armour, make bloody well sure they can move in it! Fantasy armour is more often than not, impractical and does not “meld” together. Ever play a video game and your character’s armour will clip through their own body? Yeah, don’t do that. You’ll feel like a master if you come up with armour that fits well.

Because if you’re going to write *good* medieval romance, gotta know the parts of armor the knight’s lady love is removing!

In stereotypical romance, he always is.

Wed, 12 Sep 2012 09:08:17 -0700

In stereotypical romance, he *always* is.

Me every day now

Mon, 10 Sep 2012 11:25:07 -0700

korraobsessed:

i can’t write

i can’t art

I CAN’T LIFE

Twinkies in cellophane??

Thu, 09 Dec 2010 07:59:16 -0800

Twinkies in cellophane??:

One of the best author blogs has a great collection of quotes from some of 2010’s worst.

YUP, IT'S THAT BOOK AGAIN

Thu, 09 Dec 2010 07:28:33 -0800

YUP, IT'S *THAT* BOOK AGAIN:

For a less snippet-y and more categorically broken-down article on one of the best examples of Bad Romance Writing…

“Hey Tiffany,” a tall man with onyx-colored hair said. Natasha turned away from the...

Tue, 07 Dec 2010 20:08:00 -0800

“Hey Tiffany,” a tall man with onyx-colored hair said. Natasha turned away from the painting she had been looking at with Tiff, and her heart started throbbing.

“Ravyn, didn’t know you liked art,” Tiff said. Natasha had to remember to breathe as she studied the hunk of male art before her. His sapphire eyes glittered, his pearly teeth shined, and his sculpted muscles looked so damned fine in his leather jacket.

“Yeah well, not every day you get to see a Picasso in person,” he said, smiling and shyly rubbing the back of his head. Adorable!

“Oh, this is my friend Natasha.” Tiff grabbed Natasha’s arm and pulled her forward.

“Uhh,” she grunted.

“Hey there,” Ravyn said uncomfortably. “Well, it was nice talking.” He turned to rejoin his friends on the other side of the gallery.

Natasha turned to Tiff. “Oh my God, I’m in love with him.”

Tiff was aghast. “The hell? He was here for like, ten seconds!”

Uncle Walter reads a lot of romance novels...

Tue, 07 Dec 2010 19:41:00 -0800

Uncle Walter reads a lot of romance novels...

A QUICK NOTE

Sat, 04 Dec 2010 11:11:03 -0800

When you read any of the (so far) often-faked snippets and see little errors in punctuation or word choice, they’re intentional. I like to go through and fuck up as much as I can in every example. :D

Her back against the wall, and her legs around Ravyn’s hammering hips, a position that,...

Sat, 04 Dec 2010 11:05:00 -0800

Her back against the wall, and her legs around Ravyn’s hammering hips, a position that, surprisingly, they were able to pull off, Natasha screamed with an apocalyptic orgasm. Ravyn came as well. Tizzy with pleasure, Natasha couldn’t hold onto Ravyn with her arms and legs any farther. Ravyn set her on her feet, but then, she slid to the floor in a boneless heap, just a pile of happy flesh on the floor.

Ravyn backed up, incredulous. “Ew, what the hell happened to you?”